Accepting Unwillingness

Sometimes creating our own happiness seems like too much trouble. We want to just kick back and try to rely on other people’s love, substances, television, shopping, music, or a myriad of other things to create happiness for us.

The problem is, often that happiness is an illusion, imaginary, a phantasm, and later or the next day, we’re left with ourselves again, only to again confront the reality that our happiness comes from within, and is, at best, supported by ‘stuff’ outside ourselves, not created by it.

We as Vivers, know that we can reliably create that ‘peaceful, easy feeling’ of wellbeing any time we want, by engaging in our Vivation practice. But how do you deal with that occasional unwillingness that crops up, that “oh-it’s-too-much-trouble-to-breathe” feeling that signals lack of willingness to enter into ecstasy?

Even experienced Vivers have this feeling occasionally, and for me, it is especially guilt-producing, because I teach this stuff. It’s like getting started in a yoga class, sometimes you have to go through all your resistance and tightness before you can feel warm, loose and strong. But, damn, sometimes it’s hard.

So here’s what I do when I am unwilling to take any action for my own wellbeing. I watch. I feel. And I allow. I allow the unwillingness to be there and begin to develop a curiosity about it…where is it in my body? Is this familiar or unique? How does the energy move from moment to moment? Is it stronger on the inhale, or stronger on the exhale?

And voila! Just like that…gently, easily, I’m Viving, and ceasing to make myself wrong for my own feelings. No pressure, no drama, no forcing myself to do anything I don’t think I want to do. Just easing myself into being in the moment without make-wrong and judgment. And my unwillingness to Vive…uh, what?

I found that I’m willing after all.

Posted by Patricia

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